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10 Signs Your Standards in Dating Are Exceptionally High


Having high standards fo your estence isn't a bad thing, yet sometimes how we obtain or rather meet them, definently can play a low vibrational role n how you show up to potental partners,



Unrealistic Expectations: 


When it comes to unrealistic expectations and your personal standards for datng, or courting you have to be mindful of your standards. Meaning that there is a chance they're unrealistically high, which can indicate when it comes to meeting them the tone and the bar may be impossible for potential mates. When it comes to standards you can become fixated or hyper-fixated on finding someone who checks off every single box. Whether it's flawless looks exceptional intelligence, an amaing sense of empathy, hilarioud humor and or impeccable compatibility. That's completely understandable, thinking about someone you wanna spend the rest of your life, and try to find the most things you can compare with, engage with and expand upon. So it's nothing to feel bad about!


In another light, though it's very crucial to recognize that every single being has flaws and imperfections even you. Sometimes when we hold on to these unrealistic expectations, we risk overlooking genuine connections, and authenticity with beings who may not  meet every criteria; yet they possess qualities that we can actually expand upon with them; instead of dismissing them for those qualities . It's imperative to acknowledge when we may have that one sided, linear way of thinking when it comes to our standards self reflecyion is vital! Nobody ever said that vetting, dating, courting was easy. So when it comes to our standards sometimes we place ourself in a deficit on the market unconsciously, because we are eliminating people who could potentially meet the criteria that we're looking for and complement our existence in very meaningful ways.


The ideology behind perfection is an  extremely unattainable ideal that may hinder your ability to appreciate the uniqueness of other people, beauty and the value that each person brings to a relationship, a way to combat yourself from having impossible standards, can be to try centering qualities that are truly important to you for fulfilling connectivity to another person, yet remaining open to the possibilities when they may arise, and embrace the imperfections and complexities of the human nature. Not saying dismiss your  standards, lower them or anything of that nature.


Idealized Image:


   I always say to the ladies anyway "keep your squats low and get standards high period!" Now, that doesn't mean keep them so high that nobody can meet them, right? So when it comes to idealized images of dating and standards, you may find yourself chasing after that image of a partner that just does not exist. Entertaing ideals that maybe shaped by societal norms, personal fantasies, or your past experiences. These ideals can  encompass a physical appearance, personality traits, career successes, or other attributes that you define as an ideal partner.


The one thing about life to recognize and acknowledge is that it will always go on meaning that. Recognizing that people are real people and are very complex multifaceted and they don't always fit into a preconcieved notion  or expectations you have conjured, re-evaluating them will help you navigate your own personal standards without lowering them.


Instead of seeking that perfect partner, consider embracing the diversity and richness of our human experience. That right there is gonna allow you to be surprised, delighted, by the unexpected traits and quirks that make each person special! Come across someone who is compatible with you or has very high compatibility with you, isn't about meeting someone who meets every item on a checklist; It's definitely centered around connectivity with another beings on the deeper level by appreciating them for who they are not just defining them by our standards that we have put upon them.


When it comes to rigidity and expectations, it's going to be extremely imperative that you learn how to let go of them! If not, you're gonna be closed off it may be difficult to meet that potential partner that you're actually seeking, whether it's consciously or unconsciously. Letting go of virgin expectations will help you embrace that groundedness of our human imperfection opening yourself up to the possibility of that connectivity finding fulfillment more in your relationships instead of chasing after the idealized image, Your connections will be more authentic and with people who resonate with you on a deeper level. 


Fear of Settling:


One of the most natural things that we can possess as humans is to desire better for ourselves. Now, when it comes to the fear of settling, this fear can manifest as an inability to recognize and appreciate the value of potential partners who may not fit every item on your checklist. Yes, it's extremely essential to them. There's a between settling for less than you deserve and recognizing genuine compatibility and connections. 


Just even talking about fear of failure is already a self sabotaging concept. The fear of failure because. There's no failing downwards. You can only fail upwards. Once you fail, you recognize what you've done wrong, how you can do it better, and if you want to try again that way, or if you want to change how you tried it. So there are so many positives to the risk that we can take. But when you have standards that are too high, you're holding on to an unrealistic ideal of perfection, so you may inadvertently self sabotage opportunities for meaningful relationships.


Again, we're gonna jump back into acknowledging that no one is perfect, including yourself and relationships require. Effective and comprehensible communication and acceptance of others imperfections. Overcoming the fear of settling is not easy by any means, and I don't pretend for it to be so. There is a possibility that you may open yourself up to the wrong person, but there's also the possibility that you can find happiness and that fulfillment that you're looking for with someone who may not meet every single criteria but definitely shares your core values goals. Inspiration and is very supportive of you and your projected vision for the future keep that in mind loviees.


Overlooking Compatibility:


Now, when it comes to overlooking compatibility, this is a big one because a lot of people prioritize things like physical attraction it can overshadow a lot of deeper compatibility. You know, as they say, "men are visual, women are emotional", I do believe that fluctuates per person, so it's very subjective! Just like surface level healing, when you remain intent on that surface level traits is gonna lead you to missed opportunities for meaningful relationships. Trying to look beyond someone's appearance can cultivate connections based on shared values, compatibility as well for lasting fulfillment.


Inherently, a lot of people believe that either the "freak train is coming" or the "grass is greener on the other side", o they wait, and they wait until they're out of a lot of markets because they cannot decide on people due to that impossible, unrealistic standards overlooking compatibility. Everything is not gonna look the way you want it to look, but it doesn't mean it's not there. But that also does not mean to settle when you know it's not there. We're saying when you feel something and you still deny it because you're like something else could be better out there, you are under the illusion of options and overlooking compatibility.


Fear of Vulnerability: 


When it comes to having high standards in dating and courting, there is some room to set the tone for that fear of vulnerability. Now, when opening up emotionally and allowing someone to enter your life can be a daunting task, leading you to see perfection and potential partners as a defense mechanism because you're not prepared to open up to people and let them see who you truly are. Now, when meaningful connections are deeply rooted in authenticity and vulnerability is gonna help you embrace the risk of being hurt, creating a genuine space for intimacy and connectivity to flourish.


Addressing this demon face on face on why do you say address the demon face on? because without addressing  the fear of vulnerability, you would never be vulnerable. You will always have that fear, even if you find a relationship and commit to it, you know. You have to address the fear of vulnerability. Why are you afraid to open up what happened in your past? How can you maneuver through the dating and courting scene now that you are self aware of your triggers? And you're not negotiables. It's gonna help you to overcome the fear of vulnerability. It's not a weakness, and it could definitely be turned into a strength that deepens your connections with others.



Unrealistic Timing:


When it comes to timing, you will never know when the time is right. When it comes to relationships, sometimes that you to take a risk. Expecting instant chemistry or a perfect connection from the start can lead to you overlooking compatibility with partners or potential partners that possibly match your energy who can develop into meaningful relationships over time. Having that foundation of a strong connection requires patience investment in the willingness to nurture mutual growth. 


   Embracing that journey of getting to know another being, you open yourself up to that possibility of having a long, fulfilling, sustainable, healthy relationship based on authenticity trust, compatibility, interests, investment, and effective incomprehensible communication. Who could want anything more? There's so many players in the field of unrealistic timing, like rushing the process. You know, when it comes to that pressure that we add on ourselves or potential partner to reach certain milestones within specific time frames can add unnecessary stress to your dating relationship with these people or courting. You know, every single relationship has its own process and its own pace, and some things really come into play naturally without adding the pressure. That's gonna leads you to exhaustion and burnout and kind of a lack of faith. And when it comes to finding a potential partner. What's the added possibility of leading to resentment or burnout of the potential connection.


Another step in this "unrealistic timing" is ignoring  red flags, beng eager to move too forward quickly, it's easy to overlook the compatibility, but also the red flags. We can meet someone that we feel is ideal, and rush into it ignoring the red flags from that person, right? It's very important to make a note that it may be potential warning signs, or inconsistency in the relationships that we're cultivating with this person that we do not see. When we take our time, we can access different areas of the relationship dynamic together and ensure that you are on a mutual page, emotionally, mentally, physically and so on.


Unrealistic timing is definitely going to come into play again when it comes to that, jumping into a new relationship and not giving yourself enough grace, space and realistic time to heal from the most previous one you were a part of. And it could be a relationship with your job, family relationship and community. It doesn't always have to be you being apart of a couple.. If you're going through any type of grief, it's always wise to take your time when you're maneuvering through dating and courting so you can ensure that you are not choosing because of your pain, sadness, your days where you're extremely happy, or or times when you're just emotional and you may possibly feel alone. It's essential to give yourself the necessary time to try and address those things before getting into a relationship or choosing.


"Comparison is the biggest theft of joy", when you avoid measuring the progress of other people against where you're at in you're dating in courtng experience, you increase the anxiety and pressure that you may be feeling, whether it's for family, friends, or just society. In general. Comparison is a theft of joy. A robber will come in and  rob all the joy you have, will take out the energy you have for dating. It can take out the energy you have for vetting properly, and it can possibly put you in a dangerous situation with someone you should never have been with. Focusing on nurturing your own connectivity with self, potential partner, nature,community, friends,  family, if that's applicable. Before you ever compare what's going on to what you're doing and if affecting you in a detrimental way. 


Rushing the Process:


Just like when we mentioned, talking about comparisons, the theft of joy, and unrealistic timing. Pushing for relationships to meet certain milestones and acceleration timeline. Constrain that connection. Again. Each relationship is going to be different than your last relationship, and the progress may lead to resentment or premature commitments, especially if you feel like you found the one. When you have high standards, you're gonna need patience, even if you're placing yourself in situations, environments, communities where your standards will be easily met depending on what they are; that doesn't mean there's a guarantee. So when it comes to rushing the process, you need to have patience. The number one person you need to have patience with is self.



Unrealistic Expectations about Partner's Achievements:


The infamous "Your standards are too high and that's why you're single", Being in a relationship can be wonderful experience for people, but it's not the all's all to be all a relationship doesn't define you as a human, so being single isn't a death sentence. When it comes to unrealistic expectation about your potential partner's achievements in life; there's nothing wrong with desiring a partner who's educated, who has a great career, a great job, a great position in lfe. In hindsight, this doesn't mean that you have to use "downward comparison" (have to put someone else down to lift ur quality of standard up).


Having high standards is not problematic; the problem comes when you're using practices such as "downward comparison", to make it seem that you're better than someone else because of your standards. Another practces that can be detrmental is "upward comparison" (When you think someone else is, standards make you inferior to them). These things can be extremely dangerous, yet on the other side of the coin these practces can help you to use your discernment and judgment on whether or not you want to be with someone during the vetting process. 


Placing that unneeded pressure on potential partners to meet your expectations in terms of professional achievements can create feelings of inadequacy and resentment. It's imperative for you to recognize that someone else's journey in their career is going to be different than yours, and you're allowed to have whatever you desire, keep in mind when it comes to someone else's existence, that you are not the Alpha and Omega instead of fixating on eternal markers like their success; try focusing on their integrity stability, core-values.


Here's a few more questions you can ask yourself when it comes to. Discovering different things than people besides your idealistic standards.

  • How consistent they are with you? 

  • How are they showing up to you? 

  • What are they providing for you when they show up to you? 


 These questions won't take away from what you desire, your desire to judge them harshly on their achievements will make more of a buffer for you to see they may have these things that you desire except for these miniscule  thngs. Now you'll be able to recognize all the places where you feel like that they need something else to fill it in.  I'm not suggesting that you  go against your standards. If you don't want to be with somebody, don't be with them, if they don't have the right achievements that you want do what's best for you! Keep in mind. that you are putting yourself in a deficit every time you reject someone that meets the criteria and is one or two thing that's not that "major" emphasis on" not that major". 


The idea is to have fun enjoy dating and courting, making the experience that you never forget. So when you finally do meet that person that you spend the rest of your life with, it will be an enjoyable memory to have. Pressuring yourself, Self sabotage, having extremely high standards because you refuse to deal with your own trauma. All these things can be indicators that you are not even ready to be, but that's a whole nother conversation. With that being said, let me know what you think about this article in the in the comments.


Nicole Felman

NP,CPLC,CPEC,CPMLC

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